Friday, July 31, 2009 11:35 pm

human

listen, ♥

because feeling bitter and broken has become part of my life,
i cannot seem to be able to live without much insecurities.

we tend to see life as a coming and going process
and we picture life as a movie or a film,
waiting for its director to capture the motion
and the decisions we make in split seconds.

sometimes, life isnt as easy as what we think it is.
life has its wonders, but have you seen the ups and downs
that it can bring you through?
take that step to capture the essense of it,
and you'll see how worth it life can be.

some people tend to see things the good way
but others sway away just to look at things in a different direction.
is it wrong to do so, you may ask.
the answer is a definate ; NO
because its your life and what you want to do with it.

one can see the happiness in another
but others see the sufferings and torture behind that happiness.
so is happiness really worth the slogging or is it mere lies
that we force ourselves to believe in and live by?
sometimes, i really wonder.

if life's more than this and that,
thn why do some people nt find meaning in it?
why do we risk or make blunders so that we get reprimanded?
is life nt bringing us through enough pain and misery?
must we suffer more thn we have now?

yes, some people live better life thn others
because of their ideologies but they do change dun they?
man cannot live by ideologies and beliefs
but by working hard to attain what they have.

it doesnt matter hw hard you work at times,
its hw smart you work that really matters.

why am i feeling this way, you may ask.
because i feel that life is nt worth the living
but i have to live it day by day in agony.
you love my life because i get along with many
but you dunno the suffering and the smile behind everything.
do you knw hw hard i fought and slogged for my friendship?
you'll nvr knw until you stand in my shoes.

people try to be perfect and nice in many ways
but sometimes, thats just nt the case.
you just need to be brutal and unkind for people to see,
to see the true person you are and to manipulate the things you do.

is life really worth the living?
we always seek to find greener pastures
but we fail to see the beauty in what we alrdy have
and that is human.

its human to love, hate, desire, want and what not
but whn it comes to certain contributions,
its human to seek and run away,
to shun away frm things we dun wanna face.

because we're only humans.

xoxo,
MARTHA!

9:37 pm

inbetween

listen, ♥
cause you'll always be my baby.

my contacts have been giving me hell loads of problems. ):
please be okay, i need to see in order to navigate.

Mummy went with me to collect my disgusting results.
i didnt fail any H2s but failed 2H1s. ):
sigh, i will try to do better.
i promise Mummy i'll do better the nxt time.
i'll be limiting my computer usage so that i will study.

i went out with BFF, Jacky and Weilun.
i had fun but i'll nvr have carl's jr ever again,
i think it didnt taste very nice and i'm very tired aft a long day.
catching up and laughing like crazy really made my day
oh-so-awesome.
thank you people, we'll have fun again soon. (;

tuition was okay minus the fact that my contacts was giving problems.
i think i need a new pair of lense. ):
sigh, there goes money all ovr again. ):

tuition tmr and thn church with Sweethearts, i hope.

its only human to desire and hate.

thn things go wrong, hold on.

MARTHA!

Thursday, July 30, 2009 11:17 pm

yawns

listen, ♥
no matter the distance.

aft watching the documentary,
i cannot differentiate men frm women.
oh my gwad, i feel like dying now.
*faints*

tuition was a killer cause i couldnt see
and we did aq+summary+compre. ):
i think i'm gonna fail and do badly
cause i couldnt see what MrsKhan wrote.

i completed my 2 essays in time
and i'm so proud of myself
though i failed both my papers. :P
i think i wrote pretty much nonsense to fill up the space
but i gt pretty good results (to me, for tuition)

the only valuable thing i learn in sch today,
is that Steph loves me. :P
hahaha, ILOVEYOUTOO STEPH! :D

we celebrated Steph's birthday today
cause theres no sch tmr due to PTD.
Steph didnt expect anything at all,
haha, i think we rock big time. :D

did i mention that i love my Twin? :D

Voda, thank you for the text.
i miss you truck loads, December will come soon.
i'm here waiting for you to return. (:

i'll be meeting BFF, Jacky and Weilun tmr. :D
okay, i'm very very happy!

tuition with Monster tmr. (:
i shld be able to finish all i have to.

i have work to catch up with
and 3 projects to complete.
i want to die now. ):<

tell me i'll nvr lose you to anyone. ):
i just need that little reassurance.

GOODNIGHT WORLD.

never to lose you again.

MARTHA!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 1:24 pm

sigh

listen, ♥
its all my fault nw.

i dun feel very good despite fever and headaches saying goodbye.
my throat still hurts badly and i'm coughin like a mad dog. ):
i wonder if the antibiotics is working or nt,
since i'm almost done with the dosage that was prescribed.

i'm cracking my head, thinking of hw to do my tuition hmwrk
which is due tmr. ): sigh, i feel so lost and insecure nw. ):
there's history project which is due on monday
and i havent started on it. ):

i havent been in sch for 2days
and i really hope there isnt much to catch up on
cause i'm alrdy lost at whr i am. ):
sigh sigh sigh, i feel like giving it all up. )':

i still feel very sick and tired,
my eyes has every intention to shut
but i dun wanna sleep anymore.
my whole body aches frm sleeping so much. ):

sigh sigh sigh, i feel so weak and small.
i feel so inferior and useless. ):

i wish you could come bck and take all my fears away.
whr are you whn i need you most? )':

hw can you pick me up again.

MARTHA!

11:59 am

eugene

listen, ♥

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY EUGENE! :D

its once in a lifetime
and keep rocking. (:

good luck for your upcoming prelims and o lvls.
you'll do awesome, just keep trying.
every failure brings about success. (:

best wishes always my friend.
we'll hang out whn you're free. (:
its time to work hard nw. :P

xoxo,
MARTHA!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 2:09 pm

):

listen, ♥
you'll nvr be there to catch me whn i fall.

sometimes i wonder why people can find good friends
who will always be there for them but not me. ):

somehow, i feel that i'm no longer of importance
and it just sucks. ):

WHY?

and all were lies.

MARTHA!

11:26 am

sickkkkk

listen, ♥
i wanted to be there like no one else before.

firstly, i'm sorry for nt blogging ytd
because i was too weak to even move.
sorry Voda, i didnt forget your birthday
i just didnt have the energy to text or type.
i'm really really really sorry.

ytd was the worse day in school.
the pe teacher was such a bastard,
refusing to allow Bunny and i to sign up for the standard chartered run. ):<
if they refuse to allow me to sign up for it,
thn i'm nt going altogether.
i'm nt gonna waste 50bucks on the race
whn all i have to pay in sch is 18bucks.
*roll eyes*

school was a bore and i had to pull through it
because i havent been in sch lately
and have loads to catch up.
the worse part of sch is that it wasnt the least bit productive
and i cannot help but feel worse thn sick.
i wasnt sent home because they didnt bother anymore,
H1N1 is nothing to them altogether.

GET WELL SOON RAUDAH.
GET WELL SOON JOLINA.

Louis didnt come to sch ytd
and i had to sit through chinese class,
stonning 3/4 the time.
thank goodness there was Stephanie and Twin. :D

instead of going home aft sch, i decided to stay on.
i had no intentions to train at all
and i was doing my work while they trained.
catching was our work out,
i wish i could play but its better to be safe thn sorry
so i gave it a skip.
moreover, they wouldnt allow me to run/play in my condition.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE CONCERN PEOPLE. (:

Daddy came to pick me up frm sch
cause i wasnt feeling very well.
we went to the clinic to register,
thn he went to pick Mummy up while i went home.
Daddy cooked for me and thn brought me to the clinic.

i felt so terrible waiting in the process
and i felt like fainting or just giving up,
the pain and everything would go away eventually
but i didnt wanna disappoint my family with such attitude. ):
so i stayed on and waited, temperature ; 38.9

i swear i almost fainted whn i heard abt it.
thankfully, its just flu that i'm down with
so that my family wouldnt have to worry so much. (:
3days of mc straight. ):

its times like these i carnt help but miss you.

i was told to take my weight.
i didnt lose any weight at all. ):<
thats like super stupid but i couldnt be bothered thn,
i just wanted to take my medication and sleep the night away.

i wanted to do so whn i reached home
but my mouse looking dog refused to stop barking
until i took my medication, which was 5mins of constant barking.
my head was spinning and i fell asleep within mere minutes. :P

i was awaken by all the textes that was pouring in this morning.
THANK YOU PEOPLE, FOR EVERYTHING! (:
i feel loved, hahaha.

its currently 30degrees out there
but i feel as though i'm in an igloo. ):

i'm pissed because the phone keeps ringing
and the same qns are being asked
by the very same person. ):<

i'll have my lunch in abit and thn try to study if i dun die. (x
hahaha, i mean if i dun feel drowsy.

GET WELL SOON LOUIS!
GET WELL SOON SYAZWAN!
GET WELL SOON SHALINI!
GET WELL SOON MOO!
GET WELL SOON RANDY!

last but nt least,
ILOVEYOUVODA! :D

hold me in your arms tonight.

MARTHA!

Sunday, July 26, 2009 8:48 pm

liverpool

listen, ♥that the way its going by.

Brother's lappy refuses to let me post a picture
and i'm lazy to on my lappy, i'm sorry to disappoint.

liverpool is currently rocking the hse
and i think even the whole country.
watch singapore go down please,
they shouldnt even think of playing yet alone winning.

oh well, its okay to be ambitious once in a while.
i wish manutd will come down the next time so that i can see them. :P
and i wouldnt want singapore to play against them
but my secondary sch friends. :P

well, i pity singapore for losing by a huge margin
but its okay, every down fall will make us stronger.
yes, i'm being scarstic. (:
current score, 5-0.

the flu bug is killing me slowly. ):
okay, bck to watching the match
and thn read before heading to bed.

GOODNIGHT WORLD.

Voda, TOMORROW! :D

seriously, i dun care if you ignore me or nt.
it doesnt really matter. *points middle finger*

i dun care what they say.

MARTHA!

Saturday, July 25, 2009 9:14 pm

sigh

listen, ♥
i'll laugh it all away.

i'm down with flu and i feel damn sick.
with my depressed mood earlier on
and the flu bug kicking in,
i cannot feel the least bit happy. ):

i feel so lethargic and what not,
i feel like sleeping the day away
but i knw i'm incapable of doing so. ):

i skipped sch ytd to get my knee checked.
i've been skipping sch so frequently,
i wonder if i can catch up with work or nt. ):

thankfully i wasnt put on medication
and i can do running PROVIDED i cut the intensity by half.
but if things still dun work out,
i have to stop it completely. ):
i wish i knee can behave itself. ):

i'm still allowed to run like before
but at a slower pace and lesser the distance,
everything will be cut by half,
hw am i suppose to do train for Real Run if i cut my workout by half? ):

both the doctor and Mummy thought i was crazy
because i went to him only aft 4yrs
and i can bear the pain while running.
i'm nt mad, i'm just cooler thn the others. :P

i came home to sleep and decided to cancel tuition with Monster
cause i wasnt feeling well, at all. ):
i didnt have appetite but ate abit before sleeping.
i slept at 7pm and woke up at 10am this morning,
cool uh? this is retarded.

so i didnt do anything productive ytd
and i have to go bck weekly for physio.
i'll see the doctor in a month's time,
i hope things would get better by thn.
but coming to think of it,
hw can a 4yrs old injury recover so fast?

i'm bloody depressed
but thats nt stopping me frm doing what i love most
and somehow, enjoy doing.
think i'm crazy, its okay.
you're just dunno the thrill i get while running
and the satisfaction i get at the end of the day. (:

things will get better for me
and i will survive with my injured knee.
i will recover frm this downfall as soon as i can
and i will run like never before. (:

i'm trying to be positive
so stop trying to crush the hopes i have for myself.

i went for tuition in the aftnoon
and Monster did so well for bth his ss papers,
i'm very proud of him. :D

went to church and thn dinner with Aunty.
i didnt have apetite and i constantly feel like vomitting. ):
i think there's something very wrong with me. ):

no one's going to accompany me for physio. ):
i wish BestFriend was arnd. ):
i wish i had more support so that i wouldnt have to fight this alone. ):
i wish you were here. ):

i'll have to skip sch again in 2 weeks for physio
cause they told me that the first physio will always be in the morning.
and there goes another day in sch,
shld i be happy or nt?

i have lessons to catch up with at this point in time
and i dun have much time before promos
but i need to get my knee fixed asap. ):

i'm reluctant and in a dilema, what shld i do? ):

Voda, your birthday is coming soon. :D
iloveyou! :D

tuition again, tomorrow.
things will get better for me. (:
i'm craving for starbucks. :P

into the sunset of your glory.

MARTHA!

Friday, July 24, 2009 8:59 pm

4th

Thursday, July 23, 2009 10:57 pm

sore

listen, ♥
tell me it'll be forever.

i dragged myself out of bed this morning
just to head to sch on time.
its such an eyesore to see certain people
and i swear i'm on the verge of slapping someone's face.
*points middle finger*

sch ended early and i went to have lunch with Aunty.
YUMMY! :D
hahaha, came hm to bathe and left again.
met Rachel and i realise i left my pencil box at home,
walked home to get it and whn i reached again,
i forgot to bring my foolscape paper. ):<
i was bloody annoyed and boiling.

things went on smoothly aft that.
subway for dinner. :D
it was good and we went to popular to get stuff
before heading for tuition.

i'm tired and drained but tuition was fun. (:
i love tuition. :D
bloody sadistic, i knw.

Twin and i are nt going to sch tmr.
i heard that Jolina's sick
and Randy might be ponning altogether.

going to the hospital to get my knee fixed tmr,
i'm praying that things would go on smoothly.
dun crush my hopes and dreams please. ):

i wanna watch my hongkong drama Sunshine lent me. :P
wheeeeeee, goodbyee! :D

J : "you shouldnt blame anyone for your own failures."
though it was nt directed at me, i feel all sore abt it. ):
i miss you. ):

hold me in your arms tonight.

MARTHA!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 7:19 pm

boooooooooooo

listen, ♥
its all in the head.

i hate facebook because they allow people to buy their friends as pets.
i think its so annoying and disgusting,
i feel like slapping the people who "bought" me.
i may be over sensitive but i think its very rude to do so.

you dun see me going arnd buying people as pets right?
i think its very rude seeing people as pets
and we shld be respected in whatever ways.
i dun care if you think i'm unreasonable, i just hate it!

i didnt go to sch today neither did i study.
i gt a 2days mc and i'm heading to sch
to scare the living daylight out of my teachers.
huahuahua. :P

i went to meet the cross country people
and provided them with drinks,
tell me i'm nice. :P

lunch at imm was nt that bad
because i had the company of Aunty.
i had beef noodles i think
and it tasted good.
Sunshine, we shld head there soon. :D

i wish BestFriend was still arnd
so that she can go to the clinic with me
whenever i wanna get a mc
and head for lunch with me.
to be my pillar of support
and my strength to carry on despite a losing battle.
BestFriend, i miss you.

Voda, i miss you.
i hope you're okay
and good luck for your exams! (:
you're gonna do GREAT,
i have absolute faith in you! :D

i knw i was wrong to have given up on you first.

i'll be there whn you call.

MARTHA!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 7:16 pm

scars

listen, ♥
i'm nt as strong as you picture me to be.

GASTRIC,
that gives me a very good reson to skip sch tmr. :D

i need a new school bag badly, mine sucks. ):
theres hardly even space to put everything.
i wonder what my classmates bring to sch everyday.
zzz, maybe they dun even bring anything.

i need to head down to the polyclinic tmr, anyone? (:
i shall drag someone with me, hohoho. :P

i'm thinking if i shld go for trng tmr cause my knee hurts
and i have a check up on friday.
hmmm, i'm still thinking and very hard.

i see everyone and everything changing
and that hurts me somehow.
i've always thought and felt that i deserve better.

and with my freaking grades,
i should just get out of the school alrdy.
i need to work harder or just leave the sch altogether.
idk, i'm reluctant. ):

i'm tired, i wannna sleep.
i need an ultimate break.
i feel like dying, right now!

i wish i was the first person you would think of.

MARTHA!

Monday, July 20, 2009 9:31 pm

bleeding

listen, ♥

tell me about your family ;
it wouldnt be complete without any of us.

tell me about your mother ;
she may be imperfect, but i love her for who she is.

tell me about your father ;
he may be quiet, but i knw he loves me within.

tell me about your silblings ;
times have changed. we'll no longer be there for each other.

tell me about your friends ;
they come and go but leave painful memories behind.

tell me about your life ;
it sucks to the ultimate core despite me having awesome people arnd.

tell me about yourself ;
its too complicated to explain.

i see my family crumble and falling apart.
the walls are speaking to me,
telling me to move on and live strong.

i feel so weak and small,
this whole damn thing sucks. )':

bleeding,
MARTHA!

9:00 pm

untouched

listen, ♥
we're all to blame.

trng literally killed me,
thats what you get for nt trng in 1.5mths.
30mins seemed like forever,
just 5km and i wanted to die.

i didnt have any intention
of being part of the cross country committee.
and idk what my role is all abt, zzz.

sch was as boring as usual.
we took class photo but its like so weird.
took from all sorts of weird angles
and the formal shot was damn retarded.

goodbye Voda, i'll miss you.
see you in december, xoxo.

BestFriend, whn you're gone
the pieces of my heart are missing you.

off to do my hmwrk. ):<
i totally hate it!
BYE!

if i were to let go,
i'll make every second count.

remember i'll always be true.

MARTHA!

Sunday, July 19, 2009 11:02 pm

blahhh

listen, ♥
lies, lies and more lies.

the weather is making my blood boil. ):<

i finally went to popular to get all the things i need for sch.
i need to pack my bag tmr and i'll wake up early to do so.

i dun wanna go to sch. ):

take care whn you're gone Voda,
i'll miss you ALOT!
iloveyou, xoxo.

this is all i'll ever ask for.

MARTHA!

12:50 am

whatever

listen, ♥
things changed with time.

okay, i'm currently blind
because i forgot to bring my glasses to Sunshine's hse.
so bear with the error and mistakes that i might make.

sometimes i wonder why people are so selfish
to the extend that they can jeopardise their friendship
just because of the one they claim to love alot.

privacy ; the state of being free from intrusion or disturbance in one's private life or affairs.

i gt this frm dictionary.com
and if you still cannot understand the meaning of it,
idk what i can do to actually help.
maybe you're just petatic. (;

i believe everyone has their own privacy and wants to be respected.
there's a reason to why people have PRIVATE blogs,
if you dun have any sense and cannot think or understand why,
you must be freaking petatic cause everyone has brains.

we shld learn hw to RESPECT others before we actually demand respect ourselves.
sometimes, i cannot understand hw disgusting and idiotic some people can be.

if you happen to nt understand what privacy mean
and continue to invade/intrude,
i think you shld freaking get a life
before people start despising you more.

i hate you, i hate you, i hate you.
i cannot help but hate you
and all the things you do to change the life i use to lead.
i hate the way you fake innocence
cause its driving me insane and mad.

i think you shld get a life
or kindly just stay away frm me.
get out of my life, right now!

life's a bitch, but you're a bigger one.

we'll get there, somehow.

MARTHA!

Saturday, July 18, 2009 9:42 pm

uncertain

listen, ♥
whn silence starts to kill us inside.

i'm going to Sunshine's hse to stayovr tonight. (:
Soda's leaving tmr and i'm very sad. ):

i'm working very hard for history
so that i wun fail the test on monday,
i dun wanna risk anything.

i wanna go to Canada cause its so beautiful. :D
i wanna travel travel travel travel travel.

i dun think i can meet Voda before she leaves. ):
her present is still with me.
VODA VODA!

i dun need someone like you in my life,
its been a drag to have you arnd.

i want nobody but you.

MARTHA!

12:02 pm

lost

listen, ♥the one i gave my heart to.

i wun be meeting Sweethearts this week yet again. ):
my plans for this week has been screwed time aft time.
this whole damn thing totally suck to the core, zzz!

Marcus is the biggest asshole in the whole entire world,
i wanna kill him so freaking badly.

i'm at a lost now, idk what to do today. ):
screw up day, screwed up plans, screwed up life!

blogger refuse to allow me to upload pictures. ):<
i am very annoyed today, i'll just have to stay home and rot.
maybe i'll go to church in the evening or something.

okay, i need to study so might as well stay home as well.
results on monday and tuesday, i guess?

what if Romeo meets Juliet
but wants Cinderella instead?

stay with me.

MARTHA!

Friday, July 17, 2009 2:11 pm

moooood

listen, ♥
we can run for hours.

i had an awesome lunch aft a sucky day at sch,
Nanny nvr fails to make my day oh-so-wonderful.

and again, i think sch's a bloody waste of time
and lessons were so boring, i could die!

so i'm nt meeting Voda today
and i wonder whn i'll see her again. ):
before you leave please, i miss you so much!

practically slacked in sch the whole day
whn i'm suppose to be doing something productive!
this whole damn thing sucks
and to add on to my agony, there's trng on monday.
like oh my gwad, i knw i was looking forward to it
but nw everything seems so bleak to me.

gonna pack my file properly nw
and try to study/get some stuff into my head.
history test on monday, sianzxzxzx.
i guess we'll get all the results by tuesday,
i'm gonna be oh-so-moody.

dun get me involved
in your childish fights.

life's like this.

MARTHA!

Thursday, July 16, 2009 5:58 pm

suckzxzxzx

listen, ♥
i only think of you as breaking my heart.

this is the worse, most daunting
and disgusting results that i've ever received. ):
its disappointing aft countless attempts
hw you continue to fail
and find it difficult to stand up all ovr again.

i'm disgusted and boiling, i feel like a complete flop. /:
well, this made me realise hw much of an idiot i am
and hw much of effort i have to put in so that i'll achieve results.
this totally sucks big time, like damn sickening! ):<

i just finished my dinner and am eating koko krunch.
i'm gonna be fat in no time but who cares,
i cannot run at this time to make myself feel better
so eating would be the best alternative.
subway with Rachel before tuition in an hr plus.

i knw i'm suppose to lose the weight i gained
ovr the holidays but i cannot help it.
i'll do so aft today, whn i'm feeling better.
i gotta work harder to be successful in my plans.

anyway, cca starts nxt week.
that means i get to run, all ovr again. (:
YAY, i'll be a slow poke but who cares?
i'll get my stamina bck and better myself,
by thn i shld be able to shed some pounds. (:

oh, sch was a waste of time as usual.
i really wish i was in a better sch, leading a better life.
maybe entering this sch was a mistake right frm the start,
i could have gotten into a better course in poly, pfffft!

call me if you're going to study, anyone!
i need to focus now. ):

cause you're nt the only one breaking my heart,
thousand and one people are.

i'm trying to keep it together but i'm falling apart.

MARTHA!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 9:11 pm

unfold

listen, ♥
i would love in all your imperfections.

i'm in no mood to blog at all.
i'm very tired, frm everything. ):
i think i shld sleep early, zzz.

school was like shitzxzxzx as usual
cause there was nth to do.
it was so sickening and i wish i didnt go to sch.
Rachel didnt wanna go to sch either, haha.
this totally suckzxzxzx, hahaha.

gym aft sch and nw my knee hurts alot. ):
i totally regret working out in the gym. ):
oh well, its been so long since i last exercised.
tired, tired, tired.

lot1 aft that and Rachel spent more thn 45mins at cotton on.
i waited for sooo long before she decided on what to get.
like oh my gwad, i feel like dying now. ):

subway and thn home.
came home to eat again, was freaking hungry.
i shall sleep early and the 9pm show is retarded.

another long and boring day tmr. ):
i wanna get an MC and skip school
but i dun wanna make it a habit
so i have to make do with school. ):

i become so immune to the hurt you bring me through
that it doesnt matter anymore.

every prince would have his princess.

MARTHA!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009 9:18 pm

sickening

listen, ♥
thats the life i lead.

i expected myself to screw up my biology paper
and i did, and despite knwing it all
i cannot help but feel sad and disappointed with my results.
maybe its the nt the subject for me, can i change it?

everyone's proud of me cause i passed my chinese.
YAY! :D i love my friends ALOT! :D

sch was as dumb as ever and i'm thinking of skipping sch.
but i cannot play Rachel out cause we're going to the gym tmr.
ROAR! ):

i wanna die, i wanna die, i wanna die.
i think my teachers are so incompetant,
they refuse to return us our exam papers.
i hate these kind of teacher! *points middle finger*

i'm very tired, fighting and battling against my own mentality.
i slept during several lessons cause it was so freaking boring
and i felt like dying! so bloody sickening.

my co-form is my cross country teacher,
what wonderful news.

okay, this whole damn thing sucks.
GOODBYE!

i didnt knw hw much i could love someone
until you came into my life.

whn the going gets tougher.

MARTHA!

Monday, July 13, 2009 5:19 pm

success

listen, ♥
thanks for the memories.

YAY, today i'm a happy kid. :D

• i passed my chinese.
• i'm heading out in abit.
• i might be able to shop abit.
• Nanny made delicious dinner for me.

sch was a complete waste of time, i wish i didnt attend.

one H1 down, only 2H2s to go.
i must pass at LEAST 2H2s.
i'm praying hard.

okay, GOODBYE!

we'll rock on by.

MARTHA!

Sunday, July 12, 2009 9:21 pm

whatever

listen, ♥
i dun love you like i did, yesterday.

my gastric is bck and idk why.
i have my fill on food and am exploding
yet i'm having gastric. how dumb does that sound?

i had tons and gallons of fun ytd with Sunshine.
ecp was all good and the weather was excellent.
i was taught hw to ride the bike but cannot balance. ):
i dun wanna learn it at all cause i'll rather people cycle me. :P
SPOILT BRAT! :P

Sunshine went for tuition and church with me. (:
dinner and thn slacked.
talked/bitched/watched tv the whole night
until like 2am where i made my way to bed.

i woke up all grumpy and moody, thinking of tmr. ):<
i hate school like totally and i dun wanna go to sch, AT ALL! ):
that spoilt my whole freaking day
and i'm wondering hw i'm gonna survive tmr without sweets. ):
i forgot to get sweets before coming home. ):

tuition was so slack i practically did nothing
but its all good as long as Monster gets what he's doing. (:

okay, i'm very tired since this morning
and idk why. its so annoying and i shld sleep soon.
school tmr. ):

Voda, i miss youu. i wanna see you soon. (:
YAY! i get to see some of my love tmr, xoxo. (:

no trng again, zzz. ):
this is getting frm bad to worse.
i havent trained in ages and i feel as though i'm getting fatter.
zzz, this is damn bad. like worse thn death.

last episode of harper's island, watch or nt?
theres sch tmr, zzzzzzz.

GOODNIGHT WORLD.

cause crying myself to sleep wun help,
i need reassurance.

when there was me and you.

MARTHA!

Saturday, July 11, 2009 12:51 am

cracked

listen, ♥
reason being, i dun love you.

i feel a thousand million knives stabbing right into my heart nw. ):
idk why i'm always feeling all emo and suckish at this hour.
i really feel like slitting my wrist so deep that i'll die bleeding.
but would it matter and change things for the better, that i wonder.

if you're nt worth anything i do,
thn why seek for me whn you need someone?

i hate you for being such a pain-in-the-butt
knowing that i would help you time and again
even if you fail me time aft time.

i hate you for knowing me too well
to manipulate the trust i have in you.
its too much for me to bear.

-

i dun feel obliged to tell you whr i'm going
and what i'm abt to do.
you're nth more thn a friend to me,
so why bother trying so hard?

and you're so nt funny.

MARTHA!

Friday, July 10, 2009 11:07 pm

bestf

listen, ♥

something i found while blog hopping,
in Amanda's blog.

My Friend when I think of you.
I think of all that we've been through.
All the times we argue and fight,I know deep inside that it isn't right.
I, then feel bad and alot of pain.
It feels like I've fallen from the sky like the rain.
I love you dear friend with all of my heart.
But now that you're gone I've fallen apart.
I'm getting better as the days go by.
I wish sometimes this was all a big lie.
I pray to you every night.
It's like you're my fire, a burning light.
My dear friend, I miss you alot.
I still wonder why you were put in that spot.
I know you're in a place much better than here.
Watching and helping me with all of my fear.
Our friendship my dear friend,
we will have to the end.
Friends till the end is what we will be.
Someday we'll be together,together you and me.

and i dedicate this to BestFriend.

xoxo,
MARTHA!

10:41 pm

voda

listen, ♥
would you be there?

woke up feeling rather -.-
idk hw to explain my feelings
but things got better aft awhile.

cleared my room for once in a lifetime
but its still messy and i cannot be bothered.
barely ate my lunch and gave it to Kerby.
went out with Aunty and thn to her hse.

met Voda at clementi, Gunny went to the arcade
and we proceeded to westmall.
walked arnd and we decided that we have to go shopping soon!
YAY! :D

bugis street with Voda, soon. (:
at least before she returns to perth.
i need new clothes for my wardrobe
so that i can throw the rest away. :P
i knw i'm just being spoilt but who cares? (x

Voda left pretty early aft my webcam failed to take nice pictures. ):<
i'm meeting you before you leave,
I HAVE TO and I DEMAND TO! :P

ILOVEYOUVODA, thank you for today. (:
xoxoxoxoxoxo,

i miss you BestFriend.

time will heal it.

MARTHA!

12:46 am

departure

listen, ♥
we'll find a way to pull through.

i'm nt being myself or realistic at this unearthly hour.
idk what's overcoming me and i feel very sore and disappointed
for idk what reason either. ):

-

i've been thinking of BestFriend alot recently,
even whn i'm doing my work/exam/studying.
BestFriend, i miss you plenty.
will you come bck and be by my side all ovr again?
i miss your presence in my everyday life. ):
i miss your smile and laughter. ):
i miss your winnie the pooh craze/obsession. ):
i miss every single things abt you, will you be there again?

i wish you were arnd so that i have someone to talk to,
someone to whine to, someone to stand by me,
someone to pick me up whn i fall, someone who'll cheer me up.
someone who'll just rock my life the way you did.
would you come bck and be by my side for just 1 more day?
i promise to treasure that 24hrs, just one more chance.
that's all i'm asking for, to make things right. ):

you were my everything
until the day you left me.

i feel so suckish/angry/annoyed but thats nt stopping me frm missing you.
i really wish you'll still be arnd,
i need someone like you so badly. ):

crying and whining for you to return wouldnt work.
i knw i have to be realistic and let you go.
i knw you're at a better place, leading a better life.
but what have you abandoned in such a cruel way,
leaving me without anyone.
without a support or a whole new world.
you left me all alone, mourning and thinking that i can stand up again.

i've fallen flat on my face
and no one can ever make me feel as happy as you would.
come before me, tell me that you've nvr given up on me.
tell me that you'll watch ovr me frm where ever you are,
tell me to nt give up but keep trying like you use to.
tell me i'm still your hero like before and nth has changed.

i wish you were here BestFriend,
i really do. ):
why did you leave me whn i needed someone most? ):

-

i havent eaten a proper meal for the whole day
but i'm nt the least bit hungry.
(2chocolateicingbread, 2sushi 1pastry, 1brownie, 1chocolatecreamchip)
i'm nt dieting, i swear. *points middle finger*
Rachel said i was crazy cause i'm always a hungry ghost
but i barely ate today.

-

i wun be seeing my Aiai nor Dearr for 2 freaking months
and its adding onto my agony. ):
i feel so desprate/emoish/suckish/farked up,
i can just take my penknife and slit my wrist.
i'll be that sadistic if i cannot find a way to cheer myself up
or forget abt my misery. ):
i wanna see blood flowing out of my veins,
i wanna see myself DIE! ):
i wanna be selfish cause no one cares. )':

-

Huiting, cheer up Love
i knw hw you're feeling cause i'm feeling the freaking same way.
you're someone who shares my thoughts aft all.
the contents in your blog is just the way i'm feeling
but circumstances disallow me to publish such stuff
and my refusal to privatise my blog is another cause.
i'm sorry if you think i'm treating your blog as a substitute,
but what you blog abt is really what i've been thinking of.
you really sink deep into what i wanna convey but am unable to.

cheer up Love, there's nth to fear.
i'll stand by you just like you will for me.
we'll rock together and pull through all this shitzxzxzx.
stay strong and carry on, life a battle of the best.
whoever survives win the game and you can do it!
believe in yourself even if the world falls apart
and as much as you wanna doubt yourself.
you're nvr alone, you gt me behind you always.

-

every step that i take is another mistake.

MARTHA!

Thursday, July 09, 2009 11:36 pm

day

listen, ♥
destiny in my hands.

blogger is bck to normal,
i'm am very very happy. :D
today's a rather fulfilling day. (:

this is what i did today ;

• met Rachel at bukitbatokmrtstation. :P
• trained down to bugis and headed for bugis street.
• Rachel bought her clothes and belt and i gt nth. ):
• starbucks was full and we trained to plaza sing.
• chilled and do our hmwrk at starbucks diligently.
• web cam. :DDDD
• Rachel had her dinner while i stoned. (x
• left for Carrefour to get sushi. :D
• headed for tuition. (:

sounds boring but skills required.
okay, i wanna watch movies.
any nice movies to introduce? (x

take my hand, nvr let go.

MARTHA!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009 7:41 pm

pain

listen, ♥
will it get better thn this?

i've been having gastrics recently
and this is the worse i've ever had.
i feel like dying this instant!

my tummy hurts like mad i cannot do my work. ):<
i wanna cry alrdy! ):

just close your eyes.

MARTHA!

4:13 pm

disappointed

listen, ♥
i think i'm moving but i go no where.

D-I-S-A-P-P-O-I-N-T-E-D.
thats the only thing i can think of saying. ):

i've nvr slept during a literature paper
and i did today, for 15mins.
idk what i was thinking abt
but my mind just switched off. ):

i woke up early to study for biology
but forgot almost everything whn i gt the paper. ):
so much for studying the whole night,
i'm really sad, tired and very much disappointed. ):

i guess i make the biggest loser in life
but what am i to do?
theres nth more thn waiting for results
and being more disappointed aft that. ):

this whole damn thing sucks
and i feel like dying right now. ):

i need to find that meaning
and reassurance in life.

you start to wonder why i'm here nt there.

MARTHA

Tuesday, July 07, 2009 9:36 pm

st-uh-dy

listen, ♥
time waits for no man.

today's a rather productive day,
i gt out of the hse early enough to find my mood to study.
i'm tired, tired, tired.
totally tired frm all the studying, 4hrs straight and i'm like a zombie nw.

i'm contemplating mugging the night away
or maybe deal with 1-2hrs of sleep before studying again.

okay, i shall get bck to my books again at 10pm
because i need some brain juice.
fark facebook, its screwing up on me whn i need to relief stress.
*points middle finger*

i'm praying hard for bio, i wanna pass at least. ):

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KHAW JIXIANG! :D
i'm sorry i have no ways of contacting you,
this is the best that i can offer.
hope you had an awesome, rocking day. (:
take care smurfy who shot up a thousand cm. (x

once in our lifetimes.

MARTHA!

Monday, July 06, 2009 11:54 pm

crazy

listen, ♥
unbreak my heart.

oreos to keep my brain functioning at this hour of the night.
green tea to make my day ever so lovely.

i swear i'm close to giving up. ):
i need courage and strength to continue this fight.

where are you whn i need you most?
you seem to vanish into thin air.

maybe i shouldnt have trusted you
but instead doubt you like the rest of the world.

3:29 pm

blahhh

listen, ♥take it all away.

i feel so petatic and so small. ):

i'm lazy to get pictures frm photobucket
so too bad, no pictures. (x

i need to S-T-U-D-Y but my mind's nt even switched on yet, zzz.
i need to do my tuition H-O-M-E-W-O-R-K but i'm nt even starting yet.

i need to P-E-R-S-E-V-E-R-E since its my last 2 papers,
bth on the same day. ):

my hands are gonna break, but i will survive.
i hope B-I-O-L-O-G-Y will be easy
and what i've done for L-I-T-E-R-A-T-U-R-E is sufficient.

VICTOR is the most H-O-N-E-S-T person on earth,
and i'm learning hw to be like him. (x

give me motivation and strength to survive
cause i cannot seem to trust myself anymore. ):

is it too much to ask for.

MARTHA!

Sunday, July 05, 2009 11:57 am

disappoinment

listen, ♥
you left me, just whn i needed you most.

i feel as though i've been stabbed in my heart a million times. ):
i hate myself for having so much trust in you,
only to see it being wasted away by you alone. ):
you knw hw terrible it feels to be betrayed time and again
and hw much of a failure i'll feel at the end of the day? ):

why did i nt follow the rest and just ignore you
or be surprised at your existance? ):
why do i always bother picking you aft you've fallen,
only to have you away whn i need someone there? ):

if you didnt wanna bother abt what i've said, forget it.
dun pretend as though you're listening. ):
you make me feel as though i'm talking to myself at the end of the day,
feeling like a total fool. ):

i really dunno what i am to you,
you just disappoint me time and again. ):

you were the apple of my eyes.

MARTHA!

Saturday, July 04, 2009 10:10 pm

failure

listen, ♥FAILURE
warning ; contents may be disturbing.

what you see is nt what you get. what is feel is nt what you'll feel.
its solely frm my point of view and my own interpretation,
i wasnt influence by anyone into this and so
if you dun feel like reading on, GOODBYE.
its gonna sound absurd but whatever, its what i wanna say anyway.

i was listening attentively during homily because of the topic of discussion.
i didnt see the connection between the gospel and the homily
but whatever the case, i thought that it was rather well said,
though i dun really like Cary because of childhood reasons. (x

failure ; the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends.

failure is part and parcel of everyone's life.
no one is an ultimate winner in life or immune to failing.
at some points in life, we happen to fail/falter and give up,
being unable to pick ourseleves up and to move on with our lives.
we feel this way maybe because of our increasing expectations or pressure.
whatever that case, i believe everyone has gone through failure in a way or another.

failure has a broad prespective, depending on the failures you look into.
life, friendship, relationship, love, studies, work, etc.

i was listening and base on my interpretation, i realise that God had his failings too.
he supposedly created us in his own image but failed to inculcate the habits he possess.
instead of being godly, we turn away frm him.
so in what way are we an image of him, that i havent concluded and understood.

Jesus too had his failings because he was born into a community of sins.
he tried to preach to the people, teaching them the values he wants others to know of.
however, people turned away frm him. thinking that he has no rights to do so.
thus, in a way Jesus too failed because he was forced into dying on the cross for us,
though voluntarily but he could have saved himself instead of us.

i'm sorry if i've offended anyone in any case.
after all, its my interpretation and i've warned abt the content beforehand.

i believe my friends and i have gone through countless failures too.
i'm certain i have because of the things i do and the life i lead.
however, i'm nt giving up because of the countless people who love me, xoxo.

i believe i was a failure frm the day i was born.
babies are helpless and all they can do is cry to demand attention or what they want.
thus, they are a failure because they cannot do anything for themselves,
they have to rely on others for their necessity and to me, it is a failure.

i'm a failure through and through, in terms of almost everything.
i believe i dun make a good granddaughter/daughter/sister at all
though i've been trying very hard to be at my best all my life.
i try to contribute and be perfect, the apple of my parents eyes
but sometimes, i guess i fail to do so because of my own expectations.
i knw i dun make a good sister because i cannot really communicate with my Siblings.
maybe because of the life i lead and our differences,
maybe its just me and my arrogance, my unwillngless to accept their failures.

as i friend, i believe i've failed many to a certain point.
many has expected me to be this and that but i'm an ordinary human,
i have my own expectations/principles and life to lead.
i've been through many ups and downs in terms of friendship,
because of the friends i've made.
but after all, i've learnt and came to realise hw important friends are
and who i can always count on whn i need someone to be there for me.

being a dumb person, i've nvr been excellent in terms of school work no matter hw hard i try.
i believe that its nt really my fault, aft all i do try.
the only time i felt successful in school, was during my secondary school days
where i would excel and be able to prove my worth.
but what am i now? just a petatic wandering soul, trying to find meaning in life and school.
i guess i'm nvr gonna be a successful student and i'm dreading my future ALOT.

truth to be told, i make the worse girlfriend on earth
thanks to my inability to compromise and hw i take things for granted.
i've failed in many aspects as a girlfriend but i nvr said i was perfect frm the start.
whatever the case, it doesnt really matter.

i'm the biggest failure in life because i do nt happen to learn frm lessons.
i happen to think i'm always right and i love to judge frm my own point of view.
i may have the best family and friends in life, but i dun happen to appreciate them,
i can just jump down the building and make myself scarce alrdy!

to conclude, idk why but i see no reasons in loving myself.
maybe because of my own thinking, i'm a failure through and through.
failure is nt unspeakable as long as you learn frm it.
if we take our failures in our stride and treat it as a life lesson,
i believe that we can grow to be more successful in life.

broken dreams = broken hearts.
my heart has been broken countless of times,
nt by 1 or 2 people but thousand and one at the same time.
but would it really matter? i guess not.
i guess dreams are nt meant for people like me
because i always bask in it only to find myself falling.

i do nt render help as and whn i'm needed,
i render only as and whn i want to.
complete bitch, i knw.



i'm sorry to those who have taken offence by what i've said.
and i'm nt doubting my religion.
on the contrary, i'm still loving whr i started out frm. (:

2:03 pm

hero

listen, ♥
bring on the thunder.

why does blogger work on moment
and screw up the next? ):<
Mummy baked a mini cakes, catered for 1-2 person each
and it taste oh-so-wonderful. (:
its chocolate and taste more thn awesome, hahaha. (x
i'll post the picture up once she makes the nxt one. :D

i need to study soon, B-O-R-I-N-G.
i'm having serious moodswings. *points middle finger*

Sweethearts ltr?
Voda, i miss youuu.

B-I-O-L-O-G-Y will kill me
and so will L-I-T-E-R-A-T-U-R-E.

you knw your place,
deep in my heart.

distant and alienated.

MARTHA!

1:14 am

angry

listen, ♥
just so you knw.

blogger's bck to normal, Y-A-Y! :D
i can post P-E-E-K-C-H-A-S! (x

i was studying/talking/crapping with Rachel
until i left to meet my friends for dinner celebration.
this whole damn thing was freaking E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E
and i feel as if i've been ripped off, 30dollars is N-O-T worth it.
i'm nvr going to seoul garden for buffet A-N-Y-M-O-R-E
and thats F-I-N-A-L!

instead of mugging like mad, Rachel and i suddenly side tracked.
guess it was my fault cause i lost focus first. :P
i'm such a terrible mugging partner. (x

dinner sucked big time, i felt like a lion eating meat the whole time.
and i wasnt even full until the end, wasted my 30bucks.
i'm so nt happy abt it but it freaking over and yeah,
W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R!

i've nvr met a person who C-A-N-N-O-T take pictures for nuts,
why would i bring a camera for someone to take the W-H-I-T-E W-A-L-L?!
i dun see any purpose in it and why the fark would i want the picture of the wall?
*points middle finger*
i'm really really really annoyed.
moreover, the films aint very cheap O-K-A-Y?!
*points both middle fingers*

and i dun care if you hate me or what-so-ever
cause it doesnt matter to me.
think i'm a complete bitch/retard who's kicking a big fuss
but stand frm my view point and see it.
like seriously, and i really dun care if your friends are starting to hate me too.
I DUN FARKING GIVE SHITZXZXZX!

something to rejoice about,
VODA IS BACK! :D *beaming*
i get to see her soon, i hope. (:
and i get to stayover at her hse. :D :D :D

but i'm still A-N-G-R-Y! ):<
i've nvr been this irritated and annoyed for a long time.
thanks for screwing my day, you suck. (:

and i just came to realise hw much of a fool i was,
believing some of the things you've said to me.
but whatever, i've learnt and i'll nvr repeat this mistake. (:

cause time and again,
you disappoint me.

no matter the distance.

MARTHA!

Friday, July 03, 2009 12:21 am

gastric

listen, ♥G-A-S-T-R-I-C-!

idk why either. ):

i feel so E-M-O-I-S-H. ):

i bet something bad's gonna happen.

MARTHA!

Thursday, July 02, 2009 11:58 pm

mood

listen, ♥
my heart is crushed by a former love.

Martha is running away frm all the daunting things life is bringing her through.
Martha is going to start on Tess and Biology tmr, she has to.
Martha is looking forward to seeing Voda whn she returns, i miss you sooo.
Martha is looking forward to seeing the rest of the gang tmr, i miss all of you.
Martha deserves to have a long break, she sure does.
Martha has many promises to fulfil before she can ever leave.
Martha feel sad and depressed that her life is turning out this way.

cause 7's her favourite number. (:

say you'll be mine, all ovr again.

MARTHA!

5:08 pm

tmr

listen, ♥
is it too much to ask for.

idk why i'm having gastric
and my knee is hurting all of a sudden. ):

history sucked so badly
and i wasted my time waking up at 1am,
having slept only at 12am. ):

tuition ltr, i get to see Rachel. (:
i'm still hoping and crossing all my fingers and toes,
praying that i can pass all my exams. ):
i really wanna pass them all, i really really want to. ):

good luck for your papers tmr Huishi,
do your best! (:

2 more papers to go, 6 days to mug for bth.
wish me luck, wish me luck, wish me luck.
i hope it'll all get into my thick head
so that i can pass everything, i hope?
wishful thinking but who cares, LOL!

Voda, you'll be back T-O-M-O--R-R-O-W! :D
celebrating Whiner's bday tmr. (:
i get to see all my Love again, thats the highlight i guess.

and nw, i'm feeling so numb and immune to everything
that i feel like giving up just like that. ):

laughing with BalqisLove and FazilaBunny all ovr again was good.
i missed them all so so much during the holidays.

因为爱很久所以我都懂
可是我发现没人能永久
就算我们曾勾勾手还是会寂寞
没有你之后我才明白的更多
你看着我来我看着你走
生命有太多分分合合难免要承受的痛

thank you for the quote Sunshine,
i stole it frm you. :P

hang in there,
i'll try to save you.

theres so many things i want you to knw.

MARTHA!

5:06 pm

leongan

listen, ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAYNE TAN LEONGAN! :D
oh my gwad, you're finally 18
but you STILL suck. :P
hahaha, kidding luhs.

its time to grow up dude,
take loads of care always
and see you tmr. :D

xoxo,
MARTHA!

5:01 pm

nanny

listen, ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANNY! :D
thank you for all the love and care
that you have given me ovr the years. (:
thank you for being there for me whn i need someone
and to allow me to count on you whenever i am down. (:

ILOVEYOUNANNY,
even till the ends of the world.

xoxo,
MARTHA!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009 4:59 pm

bleahs

listen, ♥
once lost, now found.

literature was screwed loose, idk hw to answer the questions
and i hope i did it correctly cause i dun wanan waste my effort
and all the pen ink that i used, LOL!

i just bought my fruit and nut bread and its almost finish. ):
damn, i shld just stop eating. ):

Voda is coming back in 2 days! :D
Whinner's bday celebration in 2 days!

i need to mug for my history now
but i just cannot understand SEA history. ):
21pages, untouched. ):
i havent started on international history!

this is driving me insane, i need to study N-O-W!
goodbye and wtf is wrong with blogger? ):<

was blind but nw i see.

MARTHA!

1:04 am

done

listen, ♥
listen to the thunder.

i am D-O-N-E with L-I-T-E-R-A-T-U-R-E
and i am very H-A-P-P-Y. (:

done Dearr's project conclusion
and nw, its time for me to head to bed.
i'm praying that i can sleep.

the dining table is U-N-T-I-D-Y
with my books C-L-U-T-T-E-R-I-N-G around!
i am A-N-N-O-Y-E-D but whatever.

G-O-O-D-N-I-G-H-T!

and today, we spelt many words. (:
will be bck to post aft my lit paper.
let's see if i'll start cursing or smiling. :

the ghost of me.

MARTHA!